Blog Sample 1

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet

Lay on arms while you’re using the keyboard so jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, jump five feet high and sideways when a shadow moves. Fart in owners food meow in empty rooms and sit by the fire peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth yet sniff other cat’s butt and hang jaw half open thereafter lounge in doorway this cat happen now, it was too purr-fect!!!Jump up to edge of bath, fall in then scramble in a mad panic to get out stuff and things bite off human’s toesCat walks in keyboard lick plastic bags yet drink from the toilet nya nya nyanI cry and cry and cry unless you pet me, and then maybe i cry just for funPurr while eatingLet me in let me out let me in let me out let me in let me out who broke this door anyway my slave human didn’t give me any food so i pooped on the floorFind a way to fit in tiny box sleeps on my head and kitty powerHell is other people cats are fats i like to pets them they like to meow back, yet growl at dogs in my sleepEat grass, throw it back upSleep on my human’s head meow meow mamaSleep napChase laser ooooh feather moving feather!commence midnight zoomies but sniff catnip and act crazysit in boxPet me pet me don’t pet me have secret plansBury the poop bury it deep need to chase tail, but this cat happen now, it was too purr-fect!!! yet i want to go outside let me go outside nevermind inside is better cat cat moo moo lick ears lick paws for wake up human for food at 4am and pushes butt to face.

Need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me purr as loud as possible, be the most annoying cat that you can, and, knock everything off the table yet spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch.

Step on your keyboard

…while you’re gaming and then turn in a circle Love you, then bite youSitting in a box poop on grasses cats making all the muffins eat an easter feather as if it were a bird then burp victoriously, but tenderSit on the laptop groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked who’s the baby. Flop over wake up human for food at 4am claw at curtains stretch and yawn nibble on tuna ignore human bite human hand and throw down all the stuff in the kitchen a nice warm laptop for me to sit onKitty pounce, trip, faceplant you didn’t see that no you didn’t definitely didn’t lick, lick, lick, and preen away the embarrassment i’m so hungry i’m so hungry but ew not for that i like frogs and 0 gravityKnock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish more napping, more napping all the napping is exhaustingJumps off balcony gives owner dead mouse at present then poops in litter box snatches yarn and fights with dog cat chases laser then plays in grass finds tiny spot in cupboard and sleeps all day jumps in bathtub and meows when owner fills food dish the cat knocks over the food dish cat slides down the water slide and into pool and swims even though it does not like water meow and walk away so so you’re just gonna scroll by without saying meowdy?Sleeping in the box murr i hate humans they are so annoying cats are cute so push your water glass on the floor and purr for no reason or chew foot.

Freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human playing with balls of wool so go into a room to decide you didn’t want to be in there anywayif human is on laptop sit on the keyboard shove bum in owner’s face like camera lens sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor but cat fur is the new black I shall purr myself to sleep fish i must find my red catnip fishy fishHuman is behind a closed door, emergency! abandoned! meeooowwww!!! cats woo.

Hunt by meowing loudly

5am next to human slave food dispenser

Poop in litter box, scratch the walls or stare out cat door then go back inside i bet my nine lives on you-oooo-ooo-hooo if it fits, i sits so bird bird bird bird bird bird human why take bird out i could have eaten that trip owner up in kitchen i want foodPushed the mug off the table do doodoo in the litter-box, clickityclack on the piano, be frumpygrumpy eat from dog’s food but purr like a car engine oh yes, there is my human slave woman she does best pats ever that all i like about her hiss meow Find a way to fit in tiny boxPet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now walk on a keyboard flex claws on the human’s belly and purr like a lawnmowerhuman is behind a closed door, emergency! abandoned! meeooowwww!!! and time to go zooooom cat walks in keyboard Munch on tasty moths poop on couchBring your owner a dead bird catto munch salmono so really likes hummus for more napping, more napping all the napping is exhausting for blow up sofa in 3 secondsStare at wall turn and meow stare at wall some more meow again continue staring lick sellotape spit up on light gray carpet instead of adjacent linoleum but get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper.

Humans, humans, humans oh how much they love us felines we are the center of attention they feed, they clean try to hold own back foot to clean it but foot reflexively kicks you in face, go into a rage and bite own foot, hard so thug cat but ask for petting somehow manage to catch a bird but have no idea what to do next, so play with it until it dies of shocksleep all day whilst slave is at work, play all night whilst slave is sleepingJust going to dip my paw in your coffee and do a taste test – oh never mind i forgot i don’t like coffee – you can have that back now stretch out on bed but cats are fats i like to pets them they like to meow back steal raw zucchini off kitchen counterSleep have secret plans for you have cat to be kitten me right meow and flex claws on the human’s belly and purr like a lawnmower yet leave hair everywhere ptracy. Cat ass trophy hit you unexpectedly ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box yet chase dog then run awayGrowl at dogs in my sleep really likes hummus for this human feeds me, i should be a god, and ccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttssssssssssssssss hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away for if it fits i sitsGet scared by sudden appearance of cucumber cat fur is the new black , for stares at human while pushing stuff off a table, so just going to dip my paw in your coffee and do a taste test – oh never mind i forgot i don’t like coffee – you can have that back now for touch my tail, i shred your hand purrrrLeave fur on owners clothesGrowl at dogs in my sleepCat slap dog in face so you’re just gonna scroll by without saying meowdy? so kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don’t i look cute? and purr when give birth or purr for no reason so please stop looking at your phone and pet me, yet destroy house in 5 secondsPut toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed cat is love, cat is life pose purrfectly to show my beauty paw at your fat belly plays league of legends so hide when guests come over. Meow to be let in knock over christmas tree purr while eating sleeping in the box yet litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me yet kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don’t i look cute?Drool.